What to do without Scandal?

It has been 57 days since the last new episode of Scandal and I am going through withdrawal.  Thank God I stumbled across the Scandal aftershow on AfterBuzz TV.  Back episodes of these have been keeping me from losing what little sanity I have.  Not to be disrespectful to the boys on the show but Kennelia and Sofia Stanley are amazing.  These girls get on and kill it.  Between Sofia talking out of both sides of her mouth (a phrase that I love) and Kennelia picking a cold piece of the week (it's Scandal - they're all deliciously awful) they have captivated my attention completely.  I am almost caught up to real time and can't wait to listen to their podcast right after the weekly shows.

But...it's not Scandal.  It's not Grey's.  It's not Viola Davis.  I have all this free time on Thursday nights now that I wandered aimlessly through the house the first couple of weeks, feeling like something is missing.  Then I remembered back in the day when I used to read in my free time.  I haven't picked up anything new lately because when I do, I tend to get get consumed and shut out the rest of the world.  And by consumed, I mean sucked in, stuck on the couch, barely stopping to eat, and biting the head off anyone that suggests I should do something crazy like sleep.  I pulled out my list of books that I have been wanting to read and got busy ordering.  I should start and finish one at a time, but I never do anything normally so I'm currently in the middle of all of them.

1. Facing the Music by Jennifer Knapp - anyone who's known me for 10 seconds knows that she is my favorite artist.  Her albums have been feeding my soul for nearly 2 decades and now she has a BOOK.  This will be one that I have two copies of - one to keep and one to loan out - because I'm going to recommend it to everyone who will stand still long enough to listen to me rave.

2. On The Road - The Original Scroll by Jack Kerouac - Who doesn't love Kerouac?  And this is his original scroll.  No paragraphs, no chapters, just pages and pages of writing all in a row.  As someone who journals in a stream-of-consciousness style this appeals to me in a huge way.  This book is all about taking time to enjoy the journey instead of focusing on the destination.  It makes me want to get in the car and go off in search of adventures.

3. The Energy Bus by Jon Gordon - You cannot read this book and be in a bad mood.  Even if you are annoyed by the cheerfulness of the characters in the beginning (I was), you start to realize what a grump you're being by Chapter 4.  It is exactly what you need to focus on the positive things around you instead of wallowing in the negative.  What?  I'm the only one who does that?  Fine.  Read it anyway - it's still good.

I'm starting my summer list of must reads now in preparation.  Is there anything you've read that I should add to the list?

One Word 365

For each new morning with its light,

For rest and shelter of the night,

For health and food, for love and friends

For everything Thy goodness sends.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Rather than setting resolutions for the new year, each January I select a word to focus on during the coming months.  For the past month I have been all set with a word, knowing exactly what I want, just waiting for January 1st to roll around.  In order to spare you a lot of boring back and forth, I will skip to the end where I shelved my original word and decided to go with the word that continued to present itself to me.

Gratitude.

Because I am the super nerd that I am, I went over to Merriam Webster to see what they had to say about my word.  They define gratitude as "the state of being grateful".  It immediately became clear why this word was swirling around in my head.  I am not ungrateful for the blessings in my life, but I do not live in a state of gratitude.  I feel strongly convicted that there is room in my core for change.  The following quote by JFK sums up exactly how I am feeling.

As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

I don't want to just say thank you for the things in my life.  I want to change my perspective so that I wake each morning grateful for a good nights sleep instead of groaning that I don't want to get up.  I want to be grateful for the legs that carry me down the stairs in my warm, cozy house instead of grumbling that the coffee maker is ALL THE WAY DOWN STAIRS.  Don't get me wrong, I don't want to turn into Mary Poppins, but I have an abundance of blessings that I need to start acknowledging.  

Do you have any words that you will be focusing on this year?  Please leave them in the comment and hop on over to http://oneword365.com/ to find other members of your tribe!

Christmas Recap

As usual, Christmas this year was wild and crazy.  Due to work schedules my whole family descended upon the house all at once on Christmas Eve.  24 whirlwind hours later they were all gone.  There is nothing else I can say about this except that I loved every second but I am glad it's done.  Sweet baby girl didn't know that her favorite Uncle was coming so he hid in a box Christmas morning.

Watching her trying to figure out how the unicorn was dancing around in the box was so incredibly funny.  Once she got down to a tear in the box, she pressed her little eyeball to it and declared, "I see a human hand!"  You know because we might not be sure if she didn't specify that it was a "human" hand.

 Clearly she was more than thrilled to see that the human hand belonged to her Uncle Daniel!

 She was also ridiculously excited that Santa brought her high heeled boots as requested.  I'm thankful that she still thinks that half-an-inch wedge qualifies as a high heel because that's all Santa was okay with sending to my five year old child.

 This picture is beyond terrible quality but I had to share it because of the look on Alaina's face.  I could not deny that child is mine if I wanted to.  That is the exact face that I make when I am confused by something.  Or annoyed by something.  Or my patience is waning.  Pretty much about 20% of the time that is what my face looks like.

But this is my favorite shot of the morning.  I look like sleepy death but I am loving my baby and there can never be too many pictures of that.  She looks totally content and secure snuggled up with her mama, as well she should. 

I hope that you all had a most wonderful Christmas with your family and loved ones.  May the coming year bring you abundant blessings.

Sit With Me in the Silence

This morning it is with a heavy heart that I share the passing of Miguel Angel.  He was the brother of a dear friend of ours and someone that N has known for most of her life.  She is grieving for the loss of someone she cared for and aching for her very best friend who lost a brother.  I wish that there was something I could say to make it better.

As I was putting Alaina to bed last night I explained that someone we knew went to go be with Jesus so we were just sad.  She scooted over to make room for me to climb in and snuggle with her.  "Please sing me a song and stay for a few minutes tonight, mommy."  Needing it as much as she did, I laid down next to her and began singing our usual nighttime songs.  My voice (lovely thought it is - ha!) was giving out on me so eventually we just lay there in the quiet with only the lights of her tiny Christmas tree glowing in the room.  

Several minutes passed and I got up to leave.  My sweet, sleepy girl rolled over and gave me a hug and kiss so I would feel better.  Surprisingly enough, I did feel better.  She said nothing to comfort me.  She knew that there was nothing that she could do to fix it.  So she sat with me and loved me until I felt better.

How often do we try to fix someone's problem when there really is nothing that can be done?  We mutter words of sympathy and say things like, "It's better, they're not suffering anymore." and "You'll see them again one day in Heaven."  I know we mean well and I am not intending to offend anyone by saying this.  I just want to point out that sometimes, the thing that will help someone feel better is not making them feel better.  

My daughter did this for me last night.  She sat with me in that quiet room and trusted God to heal the parts of me that needed healing.  And He did.  So the next time someone you know is hurting, allow them to grieve.  Allow them to tell funny stories and good memories.  Allow them to be broken and cry.  Stop trying to fix the things that cannot be fixed and just sit with them in the silence.  It might just be exactly what they need.

It's Beginning to Barely Resemble Christmas

It turns out that I liked Christmas tree shopping better when the tiny was 2 and she didn't know she got to have an opinion.  We trekked out last night to find the perfect tree, which for me is anything that doesn't look like the Charlie Brown tree.  Alaina, on the other hand, had her sights set on this glorious 12 foot pine tree that was so perfect standing there in all it's grandeur.  Never mind the fact that we have 9 foot ceilings and it's not physically possible to cram the tree in the house, even if I was inclined to pay for it.  Finally I had to break down and do some kindergarten logic where we played greater than, to get her to walk away from the tree.  I'm not sure she was convinced but the promise of a tiny pink tree for her room got her on board really quick.  The first rule of parenting is bribery people, and I am not afraid to use it.

Two hours, $50 dollars and one million pine needles later, the tree has been wrestled into the stand and is ready to be decorated.  Which shall be taking place on Thursday night.  I need something to look forward to and Shonda Rhimes put all my shows on winter hiatus.  In the words of my beloved Mississippi, "whoever thought winter break was a good idea can jump off a cliff.  We need something amazing to distract us from all the family goodness we're trying to ignore."  So from here on out, Thursdays will be filled with Christmas decorating, present wrapping, online shopping and many, many hot toddies.

Cheers to the beginning of the madness!

Election Day - Why Every Vote Counts

When I sat down to write this, I couldn't really find a good starting place, besides simply saying, "please go vote today.  I know that it is a General Election and not a National Presidential Election, but your vote still matters.  Go vote."  Truthfully, voting in today's election is probably even more important.  Here in Georgia, our Attorney General is still trying to keep the ban on marriage equality alive.  Today I got to cast my vote for someone who believes that the life I am building with N matters as much as my neighbors.  I got to have a say in the Superintendent that will be making education decisions for our state.  As a mom of a lil bug with a lot more years of schooling ahead of her, I want the person elected to have her best interest at heart.  I could go on but instead I will move on to the bulk of why I think voting matters.

We are a privileged bunch here in the United States.  We get to vote.  We could live in Saudi Arabia where women are not even allowed to drive a car.  Even better we could live in Yemen, which The Borgen Project called the "worst place to live as a woman."  They cannot leave the house without their husband's permission. In court of law, they are considered "half a person."  Unless their testimony is corroborated by a male's testimony it is generally dismissed.  Can you imagine?  The number of countries around the United States where violence against women is not only tolerated, but encouraged, is staggering.  It makes my stomach turn to think about how different my life could have been if I had been born where I was, when I was.

Women in the early 1900's worked their butts off here in order for us to be able to vote.  All they wanted was for their words to be counted.  For themselves, their daughters, and all the generations to come to have a say in the shaping of the nation they live in.   It is my duty as an American Woman to honor that work and raise my own voice at the ballot.  I couldn't be happier to continue their legacy and make the country that we live in a better place for my own daughter.  And when she is old enough to vote for herself, I pray that she will feel even stronger and more empowered to raise her own voice for the things that she believes in.

So...to sum it all up...please vote.

Is there anything better than laughing?

The sound of laughter rings throughout every inch of space.  Deep, belly laughs that leave us gasping for air.  Tears stream down our cheeks, where rivers of mascara would have followed if we had bothered to wear any.  Our lungs move tiny amounts of air in and out as we try desperately to catch our breaths.  It is a futile effort and only serves to set off another series of laughter.  We try again to contain ourselves, to establish some decorum, but gloriously fail.  The process repeats itself over and over again until we are nearly passing out from lack of oxygen.  These moments do more for my psyche than a thousand hours spent on a psychologists couch or a thousand dollars of retail therapy.  For just a few moments they flood my body with enough endorphin's to annihilate any negative thoughts that might be rolling around. 

She looks at me and says, "this reminds me of that time when we were laughing like this and that thing happened and..."

off we go again.