Have a Little Faith

I write.  I am a writer.  When verbal words fail me, I sit and craft sentences that much more accurately portray all that I am feeling.  And yet, I sit here tonight and words are somehow failing me.  I have written and deleted and pondered and written and deleted again.  My fingers have been hovering over the keys, dancing in mid-air as if they are itching to sort out what this heart of mine is feeling. And still all that comes out on my blank screen is that somehow the words are still a jumble.

I am really and truly content with this place that I am in.  I met someone.  Well, technically we met awhile ago, but have recently reconnected.  And I can honestly say that this happiness has everything and nothing to do with her.  Yes, we are having happy moments together.  Many joyful and laughter filled moments that are nothing short of wonderful.  We are getting to know each other and it is really, really lovely. 

You see, I am the jaded sort.  Dark and twisty.  Very cynical, this heart of mine, always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Waiting for the people I trust to betray me, which experience has told me is almost a certainty.  And here is this amazing woman who has walked into my life again and she is so real, so genuine that she is restoring my faith in humanity a little bit.   I know not why or how, I only know that it is truth.  Oh, how I want to analyze and break it down and understand.   But how do I explain the unexplainable?  From somewhere in the deep recess of my brain I hear a chuckle.  

Have a little faith, my child.  Stop, and just have a little faith.

In the hour that I've been sitting here staring at the screen, that is the first thing that makes sense.  Can I do it? Can I stop and just be?  That goes against everything I am.  How can there be clarity and awareness without seeking answers?  It is then that I am reminded of the Indigo Girls lyric, "the less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine."  So I smile to myself as I close my laptop, no closer to any real understanding than I was when I opened it. Tonight I have everything I need.  As for the rest of the answers...I'll just have to have a little faith.