Few burdens are heavy when we lift together

We all have the ones we turn to when the skies get rough and we need a safe haven in the storm. Call them your friends, your tribe, your family...I even have a friend who calls them her sluts (which I love and is in no way indicative of their moral compass). I call them my people.


One of my favorite bloggers, Sarah Bessey, calls them her Somewheres. They are the people she turns to for the things that can't be kept in and can't, or don't need to be shared with everyone. I encourage you to go read her post in it's entirety here. It is raw and poignant and beautifully transparent. Nothing I can say about it will do it any sort of justice so please go read it...if you want to read the rest of her posts while you're at it, I promise that you won't be disappointed.


Her words were exactly what I needed to hear today and it got me thinking about my own Somewheres. My girls. My people. The ones I hold dear to my heart and am very certain that I would not make it without. My words are failing to convey the deep and holy place they hold in my heart. Once again, it was music that said it more perfectly than I ever could. For the last month or so there has been a couple of lines in an old Point of Grace song that have been playing over and over again in my head.

If you weep, I will weep with you. If you sing for joy the rest of us, will lift our voices too.

A few days ago I found myself with a house full of people and a desperate need to escape for a minute to clear my head. Every few moments another one of my girls appeared to check on me until there were 4 of us sitting on the floor of my not-so-huge bathroom. As we talked and cried and laughed, I looked around at their sweet faces and felt gratitude overflow my heart. They all left the party to sit on my (less than clean) bathroom floor just so I wouldn't be sitting there alone. How could I ask for anything more than that?

But no matter what you feel inside there's no need to pretend...

Whatever one of us is going through, the rest rally around to celebrate or encourage or just sit in the silence. There is no room for judgment or guilt or shame when we are together. We wouldn't dare mar the beauty of the haven we've built with something ugly. It is a safe place for each of us to come and share our burdens, concerns, joy & many, many cocktails. No matter what, day or night, full make-up, or with mud masks on, my people will meet me wherever I am.

Even when that place is a dirty bathroom floor.

Burdens should not have to be carried alone

Sweet girl.

You have been on my mind every second of today.  I can't seem to focus on anything else; every ounce of my being is broken for you.

I don't know what to say.  I don't know what to tell you.  The hurt for everything you are walking through is too great for words.  Tears are streaming down my face because I can't fix it.  Oh, but I would.  If I could just kiss the boo boo, put a band-aid on it and rock you in my lap until you felt better I would do exactly that.

Why are grown-up problems so much harder to solve than kids?  If only we had known then, we might have blown off the skinned knee a little more often.

It's too much.  It's too much to comprehend, too much to try to wrap my brain around.  Over and over and over I run through it all again, trying to think of a way to help you.  I feel so helpless.  It's the worst feeling in the world, helplessness.  Watching someone you love suffering, unable to do a damn thing about it.  Forget fire-filled inferno's, that is true hell.

I know that God is in control, He just feels so very far away right now.

Thank you, for sharing your heart with me.  For finding my home to be a shelter in the storm.  For trusting that your most intimate fears are safe in my hands.  Rest assured that they are, my darling.  I am clutching them to my chest and weeping with you, pouring out unspoken prayers in rivers. Walk a little lighter, knowing that this weight is not on your shoulders alone.

I love you.

I am here.

It will get better.

I really, really hope it's soon.

Nobody's Cuter Than You!

If you do not have your copy of Melanie's new book, I command you to go out and get yourself one immediately.  Yes, I called her Melanie like we're best friends because after 20 some odd hours listening to BigBoo podcast archive I feel as if I already know her.  Hopefully I will get the chance to meet her at dotMom this fall and make a complete fool of myself as I try to refrain from babbling and trying to koala hug her at the same time.

I digress.

Her book is amazing.  To say that it is about friendship feels like an understatement.  But anyone who has ever been deeply blessed by a good friend knows that there aren't enough words to describe how wonderful they are.  Melanie captures this in a way that leaves me breathless from laughing even as tears are pouring down my face.  It is so beautiful and you will be better for having read it.  I am THRILLED to say that you can find this in your local Wal-Mart (I got the last copy in mine!) or you can order it from amazon or barnes & noble.  If you must, you can also download it to your kindle or whatever you're reading on that is not a book.  I don't understand this because you cannot smell the pages through a screen, but I know I'm one of the few rare true book nerds left.  The point is, however you want to obtain your copy, do so with a quickness.

Oh and Sophie is the other one on the podcast and her newest book is next on my list along with Tina Fey's Bossy Pants.  Head over to her blog and check her out as well.  I promise that you will not be disappointed!

Is there anything better than laughing?

The sound of laughter rings throughout every inch of space.  Deep, belly laughs that leave us gasping for air.  Tears stream down our cheeks, where rivers of mascara would have followed if we had bothered to wear any.  Our lungs move tiny amounts of air in and out as we try desperately to catch our breaths.  It is a futile effort and only serves to set off another series of laughter.  We try again to contain ourselves, to establish some decorum, but gloriously fail.  The process repeats itself over and over again until we are nearly passing out from lack of oxygen.  These moments do more for my psyche than a thousand hours spent on a psychologists couch or a thousand dollars of retail therapy.  For just a few moments they flood my body with enough endorphin's to annihilate any negative thoughts that might be rolling around. 

She looks at me and says, "this reminds me of that time when we were laughing like this and that thing happened and..."

off we go again.

Magnets are Magic

I am the stingiest person on the planet when it comes to my face products.  I have been blessed with fairly decent skin and have never seen the point in spending that much.  I would rather take my mediocre skin to an island in the Caribbean than slather myself with a tiny jar that costs as much as a plane ticket.

But if those products magically show up in my house as a gift, I am not above a little indulgence...after all I am a girl at heart.  In order to share in the fun, my sweet friend Sarah (or Sarita as N calls her) came over for a mini spa night.  It might have been the limoncello talking, but we decided that photo documenting our night was the best idea ever.

Here's us straight from work with our regular makeup on before we started any of the mask

 We removed our makeup and washed our faces before we put on the mask. 

After waiting the allotted time we used the magnet bar that came with the mask to remove it.  The bar literally sucked the mask off our faces pulling a ridiculous amount of nastiness out of our pores with it.  After it was all done, we massaged the rest of the oils into our skin and voila!  We were shiny and new with baby soft skin.

This stuff is AMAZING.  There is absolutely no way that I would have ever bought into the Dead Sea Mud Mask before trying it this time, but I think if I try really hard I can justify it.  Or buy it and forget the new boots I wanted this fall.  Who am I kidding? We all know I'll just buy them both.

That's Why I Married You

Have you ever had a friend who really wasn't your friend, they were your "person"?  One who just gets you in a way that no one else on the planet does?  I have been unbelievably blessed to have a person like this.  She knows my magic and my mistakes, my feisty and my flaws.  This morning I was reminded once again that she is pretty fantastic.  Several years ago she found me a Starbucks in a foreign city when I was so desperate for coffee that I would have traded my first born for a cup.  As she pulled in I exclaimed with glee, "THAT.  That right there is why I married you."  It stuck and became our phrase anytime one of us is exceptionally amazing.   So to my Mississippi...here are just a few of the reasons why I married you:

• You always having the answers I need, like how to make "monkey-away" spray for the imaginary monkeys that are giving my daughter nightmares.  
• You call me Betty McSunshine.  
• You bonded with me over our crazy-ass mothers.
• You get tipsy on one glass of sangria and sing "California Gurls" at the top of your lungs in my car (you sound just like Katy Perry)!
• You married the man who pumps your gas; my heart rests easier knowing that he takes care of you.  And he makes pretty babies...just sayin.
• You aim low and moved when my kid was dying so that I could learn how to rely on my own strength instead of yours.
• You understand that sobbing over a list of items to pack for Europe has absolutely nothing to do with the list of items to pack.
• You made me get the job at the hospital.  
• You don't think I'm weird when I call you up at 11:30 in the morning and say "Goose DIES and Maverick lives happily ever after".  
• You kick my butt and tell me that I need to straighten up and get right with Jesus when I stray too far off the path.  
• You ran to New Orleans with me when I desperately needed to bolt. 
• You never asked what "SO BAD" meant. You just listened and hoped that one day I would shed a little light.  
• You always send me your family schedule (school plays, band performances, doctors appointments, etc.) so I feel like I'm in the loop even though we're a thousand miles apart.  
• You sit on the couch with me while we ignore each other.  

Things will change, babies will grow, houses will be moved, unpacked, boxed up again, and one day those boxes might actually be mine instead of yours.  Miles will be driven listening to Betty's Road Trip Mix and we will teach our children not to sing the bad words.  We will get old and forget each others birthdays and maybe even names.  But I will never, ever forget that I married you first.

What do you say?

Last night was one of the longest nights of my life.  To be quite honest, I don't even know how to begin processing it.  I really don't. 

I am not a strong swimmer.  I mean, I can get myself from one end of the pool to the other but that's about it.  No one is going to ask me to be a lifeguard.  I am completely and totally unequipped to jump in and pull someone to safety.  But what do you do if you are the only one there and someone is drowning?  You jump.  I jumped.  Praying the entire time.  Only it wasn't into the water, it was into a very unstable conversation.

I am so grateful that there are people in this world that are cut out to work on a crisis hotline; I am very aware that I am not one of them.  What are you supposed to say?  Is sympathy in order or does that only enable?  Will tough love get their attention or break them down completely?  How do you convince someone that they are not alone and their life is worthwhile?  What do you say?  Something.  Anything.  I racked my sleep deprived brain for wisdom and prayed that somehow the words that I was saying were making a difference.  Long term, I am not so sure that they did, but we made it through the night, which is all I can ask for right now.  Only time will tell what is going to happen in the future.  

So today as my brain tries to process everything, I am left with just this one question...What do you say when there are no words?

I Am Not Worthy

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.

The five stages of grief.  I move through them, circling, rewinding, progressing, repeating the first four steps so many times I lose count.  I feel as though I have moved on to acceptance.  I let my guard down a fraction of an inch to exhale, but grief is a sneaky bitch.  She reaches out an iron fist to squeeze my heart once again.  There are times that I can see the blow coming and can shield myself from the brunt of it.  But she has caught me in a moment of vulnerability and I am blind sided by the force with which it struck me.  My breath catches in my lungs, frozen in place, while tears well up in my eyes.  I don't even realize that they are streaming down my face until the collar of my shirt is soaked with them.  I feel a hand reach out to grasp mine and that is my undoing.  The breath that has been frozen releases in a sob as I bury my face in her neck.  Time stands still.  I feel nothing but the waves of grief washing over me.  As the pain subsides and the clock begins to move again, I am acutely aware of a voice whispering in my ear. I love you.  I am here.  Always.  I love you.  No matter what happens, I will always be here.  I love you.  I am here. I love you. I am here. I love you.  Her arms are around me and she is gently rocking my broken body back and forth, stroking my hair, soothing my soul. The abundant love that is so freely shared humbles me.  

Here tonight in this space I feel the love that passes all understanding.  I feel the grace of God in human form.  An angel that has stood in the divide and covered the gap. 

I am reminded again that the pain of what I have lost cannot begin to compare with the magnitude of what I have gained.  

I am not worthy. 

I am not worthy.