Being a Mommy

Motherhood is so complex.  It is the most wonderful, terrifying, rewarding & exhausting thing on the planet.  It is full of rock star moments and times where one more "why" will drive you to the brink of insanity; the line between those two things is wafer thin and can change in an instant.  It is adjusting to a child who has been like clockwork for nearly four years and has recently decided that 6 a.m. is a better hour to rise than 7 a.m. was.

And still the beautiful creature sitting in my lap this morning astounds me.  Overwhelming love flows through me and fills my heart with joy.  I know that this is one of those kairos moments where standard time stands still.  The clock telling me there are showers to be had, breakfast to be made and work to get to, slows to a stop.  I study every inch of her, trying to memorize exactly how she looks in this moment.

Tiny little perfect fingers intertwine with mine and I am struck by how olive her skin is up against my oh-so-pale color.  Big brown eyes stare back at me - sleep still clinging to the corners of her lashes.  Long brown hair falls on her face and she impatiently brushes it out of her way.  Ruby earrings peek out from the most perfect ears God ever made.  She yawns and snuggles into my chest proclaiming, "I like you mama."

My heart melts as I whisper back that I like her too.  In fact, she is the coolest kid in the world.  I want nothing more than to call a time-out and freeze in this moment for just a little longer.  It is these moments that are what mommies live for.  I held her a little tighter savoring each second.  And then I heard her sweet voice whisper, "Mama?  I just tooted on you" and then giggle hysterically in the way only a small child can do.  Reality snapped back into focus and time started slowly moving again. 

A perfect picture of motherhood indeed.